shit

"it'd be a problem if i fall in love with you."

we can tell each other

and tell ourselves

that it won't ever happen.

but i am

slowly,

falling.

is that a good thing?

surely things do not happen in this absurd manner.

haven

"i feel like i want to
meet you right now and
give a big hug"

:)

"i'd like that"

a safe place.

003 the gift

>his home<

[a slow rhythm of footsteps along the corridor
a cigarette in one hand, her bag in the other.
she walks towards the end. to a door.
smokes a final puff, and butts the ciggie in a pot of plants.]

[she stands silent for eleven seconds.
to muster the courage
and turns the door knob.]

[the house is silent.]

[she sees a painting on an otherwise empty black wall.
a figuration of a woman.
and on the floor against that wall
incense sticks. burning.]

[she walks in. and heads to the bedroom]

[there he lies on the bed. as if he was dead.
motionless.
his back facing the entrance.]

"hi. it's me"

[no reaction. he remains motionless]

"it's 6 pm. and i can't be here very long."

"but i brought you ... a gift."

[she smiles. takes 'the gift' out of her bag and shakes it.]

"i'm putting this on the table. okay?"

[she places 'the gift' on a side table adjacent to the bed. her eyes well up.]

[she puts her bag on the floor. and then gets on the bed.
and hugs him from behind. a longing hug.
she cries. and he cries along]

[she wipes his tears off his face.
and whispers something into his ears. for a whole minute.]

"i need to go"

[he turns around and hugs her]

"okay. do you need anything?"

"no, i'm good."

[he lifts her up from the bed. hugging her all the way to the other side of the room.]

"take care."

"you too."

[a goodbye]

>her home<

[she stands in front of her own door.
she no longer cries.
but sadness never left her face.]

[she looks for her keys in her bag
and finds 'the gift'.
returned.]

002 fortune

a flashback. a first date. in a chinese dumpling restaurant:


"what does yours say? let me read it"
[she takes the cookie out of his hands. breaks it with her teeth and reads it out loud.

"a heart in love is always young"
[she laughs. and then smiles]

"okay. now you read my fortune"
[cookie in her grasp. she hands it to him]

[he smiles and takes the cookie.
gently, he cracks the cookie with his fingers.
nothing. an empty strip of paper]

"nothing"

"nothing? what do u mean nothing?"

"nothing!"
[he flashes the fortune]

"what does it mean then?
that i have no fortune.
that it's unwritten?
that it's in my hands?"

"nothing"

001 friend

max thinks i should do a screenplay. this is just a test:

"you can't keep doing this.

i know you were hurt,
and i understand how traumatizing that experience was for you,
and how it undeniably justifies your cynicism.

but that relationship,
you can't let it get in the way of every new one.

if you hide your fears
behind that excuse you can always make,
you.
lose.

that is exactly what he expects of you.
get a grip, bitch.
the problem is you."

tomorrow opens a new chapter

architecture is the most obvious choice
for now
i may not know where i am heading
but i have to start somewhere
and have a go at it:


1. online folio is ready

2. graduate exhibition this friday


i no longer crave success
which is a strange feeling

...

you egotism is... just freakin' annoying

the cycle of punishments is not going to benefit anyone

fine...

it is over

i don't miss you as much as i thought i would

(here we go again)

contingencies

pathetic ..

.. are intelligent people who fail to realize the disjunction between said words and the truth of mind, and go on and on to pontificate the meaningless. congratulations.


.. is the denial to move on from the nostalgia of their own youths, holding onto these beliefs as universal facts. and while there is nothing wrong with being sentimental, it is unnecessary to transform it into rhetoric. or worse, philosophy!


respect..

to people who are unashamedly indulgent, and acquire success while at it.

new eyes

time has proven yet again

i should have listened to you.



anyway, i didn't

and it became a delicate matter



what i resorted to

was completely unnecessary and manipulative



but it became entirely necessary

considering the fucking situation



we sensed the air of victory

in his hostility



i didn't say a word

simply coded messages




what would you do

were you in our shoes?





we worked so hard for this.

did he seriously think that i would let him win?

eden

one nightmare after another
these past few busy days

and then you appeared
for the first time ever

you hesitated
i pulled you towards me

it wasn't that bad at all

demolish