Wednesday, March 31, 2010

bitter aftertaste

the weakness of smart people is their inability
to admit
that they make mistakes

(perhaps especially)
when comes to matters of the heart

the denial
comes with
a bitter aftertaste

Monday, March 29, 2010


"if you're able to feel bad about about yourself, that means you have a conscience. and having a conscience means you're not a bad person. guess whose voice whispers to your conscience ?"

i cant seem to stop
saying what i want to say
doing what i want to do

even when that trait has proven destructive
leaving the self unguarded
and exposed to a lot of hurt

"i'm just a soul whose intentions are good"

last weekend
your best friend said she likes me
that i'm relaxed and laid back

knowing those words were uttered with sincerity
that felt good

in moments like those i realized
that being honest and genuine - people appreciate these traits
and they permeate through your character

la strada

the journey
is ridden with uncertainties
pacified emotions
unanswered interrogations

but consider our typical weekend day:

lying on the bed
reading books
looking at the sky
eating good food
simple shit
drama free

marked such a positive influence in my life
none one can ignore

"you're so fucking special"

Friday, March 26, 2010

six degrees



underlines verbal expressions.

Thursday, March 25, 2010


is not in the details.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


why does every time i have serious talk with you,
you pull out statements such as these:

"i'm sorry."
"i'm only using you."
"hypothetically, what if i had chosen you?"
"you and i. we are simply friends."
"i do and say what i feel."
"i'm sorry."
"this is who i am now. you have to accept it or leave it. "
"i know what i'm doing and it's the right thing."
"i have the right not to tell you."
"you and i, we are nothing special anymore."
"i'm sorry."
"you know so little about me."

these declarations
they seemed to me
not simply things you want to tell me
but also things you need to tell yourself.

i guess you have grown up.

"i had enough of you telling me what i should do."
that was a peculiar one
especially since i only did that once
who were you really talking to?

congratulations, anyway
i bet she would be so proud

Monday, March 22, 2010


i planted a tree
and killed a forest


is how i feel right now

random thought

i was the eccentric, shy kid then
one day in high school
i decided to try out for the debating team
for whatever reason (i think it was impulse)
i shivered and shook and stuttered
but they chose me anyway
for whatever reason (token malay boy)
excluding me, you could consider us
a great team. also, a fresh team
no one had experience
our teachers didn't have experience
but i suppose charismatic enough to go all the way to the state finals
we lost the state finals. but that's okay
at that point in time, i never won anything
i never thought i could do anything, or be anything of value
and it had never mattered
it was from that i developed my sometimes ruthless character
i learned how to win arguments;
that it never is a matter of content, but form.
a friend commented once, that my confidence is one of my best traits
but underneath that surface
i still am, and will forever be the shy awkward boy
who feels rather than thinks, and never plans for anything

just because i can does not mean that i am.

people don't really change
they develop new traits, perhaps
old habits persists


how small the world is.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


it's the feeling.
i think .. i miss you

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


why graft our emotions via a medium,
when we can just say them out?
what is it that is so difficult about verbal expression?

if there is something more beautiful than art, it would be life itself

Monday, March 15, 2010

visage II

"A face is a terrifying thing,
perhaps the terrifying thing
- the very idea of terror itself..."

Monday, March 8, 2010


the face contains so much
the eyes hide so little


you loved me at my worst
to have said what i had said may well be my only regret

Saturday, March 6, 2010

at times

i wonder how you are
but you would always say
that you're okay


Wednesday, March 3, 2010

in love with slides

once in a while, i take photographs i am proud of


Tuesday, March 2, 2010


i am difficult at times
for which i am sorry
it isn't that you can't see me
i can't even see myself