underlines verbal expressions.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
assurance
why does every time i have serious talk with you,
you pull out statements such as these:
"i'm sorry."
"i'm only using you."
"hypothetically, what if i had chosen you?"
"you and i. we are simply friends."
"i do and say what i feel."
"i'm sorry."
"this is who i am now. you have to accept it or leave it. "
"i know what i'm doing and it's the right thing."
"i have the right not to tell you."
"you and i, we are nothing special anymore."
"i'm sorry."
"you know so little about me."
these declarations
they seemed to me
not simply things you want to tell me
but also things you need to tell yourself.
congratulations
i guess you have grown up.
"i had enough of you telling me what i should do."
that was a peculiar one
especially since i only did that once
who were you really talking to?
congratulations, anyway
i bet she would be so proud
you pull out statements such as these:
"i'm sorry."
"i'm only using you."
"hypothetically, what if i had chosen you?"
"you and i. we are simply friends."
"i do and say what i feel."
"i'm sorry."
"this is who i am now. you have to accept it or leave it. "
"i know what i'm doing and it's the right thing."
"i have the right not to tell you."
"you and i, we are nothing special anymore."
"i'm sorry."
"you know so little about me."
these declarations
they seemed to me
not simply things you want to tell me
but also things you need to tell yourself.
congratulations
i guess you have grown up.
"i had enough of you telling me what i should do."
that was a peculiar one
especially since i only did that once
who were you really talking to?
congratulations, anyway
i bet she would be so proud
Monday, March 22, 2010
random thought
i was the eccentric, shy kid then
one day in high school
i decided to try out for the debating team
for whatever reason (i think it was impulse)
i shivered and shook and stuttered
but they chose me anyway
for whatever reason (token malay boy)
excluding me, you could consider us
a great team. also, a fresh team
no one had experience
our teachers didn't have experience
but i suppose charismatic enough to go all the way to the state finals
we lost the state finals. but that's okay
at that point in time, i never won anything
i never thought i could do anything, or be anything of value
and it had never mattered
...
it was from that i developed my sometimes ruthless character
i learned how to win arguments;
that it never is a matter of content, but form.
a friend commented once, that my confidence is one of my best traits
but underneath that surface
i still am, and will forever be the shy awkward boy
who feels rather than thinks, and never plans for anything
just because i can does not mean that i am.
people don't really change
they develop new traits, perhaps
old habits persists
one day in high school
i decided to try out for the debating team
for whatever reason (i think it was impulse)
i shivered and shook and stuttered
but they chose me anyway
for whatever reason (token malay boy)
excluding me, you could consider us
a great team. also, a fresh team
no one had experience
our teachers didn't have experience
but i suppose charismatic enough to go all the way to the state finals
we lost the state finals. but that's okay
at that point in time, i never won anything
i never thought i could do anything, or be anything of value
and it had never mattered
...
it was from that i developed my sometimes ruthless character
i learned how to win arguments;
that it never is a matter of content, but form.
a friend commented once, that my confidence is one of my best traits
but underneath that surface
i still am, and will forever be the shy awkward boy
who feels rather than thinks, and never plans for anything
just because i can does not mean that i am.
people don't really change
they develop new traits, perhaps
old habits persists
